Facilitating Emotional Process Groups
I moved into the Peanut Butter Palace Cooperative in January 2019. PBP is a place that promotes and teaches a holistic approach to living- one that focuses on community, health and wellness, and creativity. It is a passion incubator and an intentional place to thrive. This is a curriculum I developed for our first Process Night.
I was excited to have the opportunity to lead an emotional processing group for my co-op mates earlier this month. I’m passionate about emotional wellness and felt honored to be able to hold that space.
One of the biggest challenges for me in developing this curriculum was doing it as a community member rather than a counselor; as someone who participates fully without worrying about maintaining a professional distance. I tried to strike a balance between being a facilitator and being a participant.
I started with a general structure that has worked for me in the past. It goes like this:
Start with an ice breaker
Establish group norms
Ask open-ended questions and keep people talking
End with a closing activity
I came prepared with a list of questions for discussion, but mostly I felt the room and responded to what came up. We were all already familiar with each other and try to be intentional with the way we communicate about our emotional realities anyway.
This curriculum can be a good jumping off point, but ultimately it is up to the group to do the emotional work of showing up for each other. I won’t share the specifics of what we talked about, but I will share what I prepared beforehand. I only asked a few questions from this list. Each question could be its own separate discussion but what really matters is that the members of the group hold space for each other and feel safe enough to share.
Start with an icebreaker
I wanted to make sure everyone felt comfortable before we got into the emotionally heavy stuff. A good way to do that is to start with an ice breaker. It could be something light or something more philosophical; the point is just to get everyone talking.
Some options:
What are this week’s highs and lows?
Name something you have in common with another person in the room
One of the questions from this list: 36 Questions to Fall in Love. (Don’t worry, the questions aren’t specific to couples. For example: If you could invite anyone in the world to dinner, who would it be?)
Establish group norms
Explicit groups norms are helpful for encouraging a sense of safety in the group. When people know what to expect, it becomes easier to share. These norms are crowdsourced by asking everyone in the group to suggest norms that they prefer. Our group agreed our space was not for problem-solving. We would not provide suggestions on how to fix each others’ problems unless specifically asked for it.
Suggested norms:
The details of what we talk about in this space are confidential
One person speaks at a time
Speak from a personal perspective using “I statements” (“I feel this way when…”)
When someone shares, resist the urge to “fix it;” the person who shares is often looking for support, not solutions
Ask open-ended questions and keep people talking
We came into the space with an intention to learn more about each other and deepen our comfort with sharing. Since this was the first time we met for an emotional processing group, I wanted to get a feel for what the group’s needs and backgrounds were. As a result, some of these questions are pretty general. Future group meetings will incorporate new themes as they come up.
To keep people talking, ask open-ended questions. Check out this guide on how to do so effectively: The Art of Asking Open-Ended Questions.
People will share more if they feel emotionally safe enough to do so. For a primer on holding space for others as they share, check out What it Really Means to Hold Space for Someone.
I’ll share the questions I prepared for our group, organized under broader question topics. Each of these broader topics consist of enough material for a separate processing night. We only used a few because group members came with specific concerns they felt ready to share with the group.
Where did we come from?
We’re here because we’ve all made the choice to live in an intentional community. What was the transition into intentional community life like for you?
How has your emotional landscape changed since starting your journey living in community?
Share about a time you felt closure. Are there parts of your past where you haven’t felt closure?
What roles have love and affection played in your life?
What did your culture/family teach you about your emotions?
What are our emotional needs?
What are your emotional needs?
Are those needs being met?
Which of those needs specifically have to do with yourself and your inner life? (self-care) What do you do to meet those needs?
Acknowledge yourself for your ability to self-regulate
Which of your needs specifically have to do with the community? (collective-care)How can we help you meet those needs?
Acknowledge your community for its ability to help you co-regulate
When was the last time you cried in front of another person? By yourself?
What are our communication styles?
How do you like to communicate your emotions to others?
How easy is it easy for you to communicate with others?
What kind of communication makes you feel safest?
How do you feel when you feel heard?
What does it mean to hold space?
What emotional work are we doing currently?
Do you have anything you are intentionally working on changing about your emotional landscape?
Do you have any open wounds? You don’t have to share what they are, but how does this impact the way you interact with others?
What roles do your relationships play in your personal healing?
What are you actively learning/unlearning to improve your emotional landscape?
What do our relationships look like?
What do you value most in your relationships?
What is important for friends to know about you?
How much of your time do you spend supporting others? How much time do you make for yourself?
What’s something you regret not sharing with another person?
Complete this statement: I wish I had someone with whom I could share:
How can we help you?
End with a closing activity
Group discussions can be emotionally intense. It helps to close out gradually, helping each group member transition out of the space in a way that feels comfortable and safe. I like to end with an activity that reinforces positive feelings between group members, helping folks feel calm and centered. We ended with a guided meditation.
Ideas for closing topics:
Name something you like about the person sitting to your right
What’s one way this group can support you in the coming week?
In one word, how are you feeling about your relationship with your co-op mates?
I hope that this outline helps others who would like to host a similar event. I intend for it to be a starting off point; adjust as needed. Let me know if it works for you and please give me any feedback you might have. I’d love to learn more about other models for holding emotional processing groups.
